Drawing Source
I have been thinking a lot about how much of my thoughts are conscious and unconscious. I question why I do and think things certain ways. I started being curious about that because I wanted to figure out who I really was in my early 20s. It might be a question I re-evaluate every year because I constantly change and evolve.
In the first class, many different illusions are introduced. It's fascinating to see how many illusions I was not aware of. If everything is illusion and no one knows the truth and we are the way we are because of evolution, then should we question everything? Donald Hoffman's answer from his research is that the world presented to us by our perceptions is nothing like reality. It confirms what I believe as well, but it makes me a bit sad knowing that I probably unconsciously lie to myself everyday.
I grew up in Beijing, China, and moved to the states by myself when I was 16. My perceptions are influenced by combinations of Chinese culture, western culture and internet. Sometimes, I wonder who I will be if my life experience is different.
When I lay in bed at night, I think about what happened and what could happen. It's hard to be in the present. After reading the book, Power of Now, I suddenly realized that I need to observe my random thoughts. I could quiet them down if I'm aware of them. As soon as I realize the source of my stress is mainly from the random thoughts, I can tell myself to stop stressing. It's very interesting that we're not aware of what we think and do. Only when we pay attention to ourselves, we could look at ourselves subjectively and make better decisions. My question is how we can do that. Sometimes, we make the same mistakes, and even when someone points out we're wrong, we still don't see their points. Why are we so blind? I value greatly about self-improvement. I want to identify my weaknesses and wrong ways of doing and thinking things. In my eyes, I can always find ways to be a better person and to be more efficient and productive at everything I do. I believe that's the only way to maximize human potentials.
For this project, there are two angels I might want to explore illusions.
I want to be more aware of my thoughts patterns and alert myself what thoughts are unconscious and automatic, and catch myself before my monkey mind takes charge.
Coming from a diverse background and having anxious attachment personality style, I found it natural to blend in and copy/adapt my surroundings to fit in or to make people like me at a young age, which is why it took me so long to figure out who I really am and what I truly want for myself. I want to create something in smaller scale scale that reminds people to not lose themselves because of social illusions.
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